God

Although the exact number is a matter of considerable debate, it is estimated that there are more than 3,600 gods actively worshipped somewhere in the world – 68% of which are the one, true god.

Almost all forms of god have supernatural powers which they hardly, if ever use, although adherents maintain there is copious evidence of such powers if you believe they exist (or it might be the other way round).

Many gods have appeared on earth, mainly in the guise of humble artisans, but none have remained terrestrial for sufficiently long to progress into a managerial position or take a gap year before changing career altogether.

The majority of gods have a beard and dress in loose garments, but it’s not known if this is to disguise their lack of a corporeal entity or simply a preference based on comfort and availability.

Very few gods have been known to ride a bike or collect stamps, and most prefer to sit, doing very little apart from developing their air of omnipotence. Some also try to perfect moving in a mysterious way, much like John Sergeant in Strictly Come Dancing. When not doing this, they spend most of their time creating everything in the known universe, including phlegm, ring-tones, hops and tapeworms.

In a recent survey, almost 77% of people said they would like to meet god, although the figure dropped to 56% when the god in question was called Lug, Njorth or Wahiguru.