Garnish

G

Despite the stalwart endeavours of GAG (Grannies Against Garnish), founded in 1992 by a 78-year-old female activist in Bournemouth) it’s now virtually impossible to buy a round of sandwiches without a flurry of mixed leaves, a star-shaped tomato and several slices of radish.

To discourage the practice, you should scatter the garnish over the floor, treading it firmly into any deep pile carpet, while the radish slices should be glued to your car door in the manner of WWII fighter pilots recording enemy kills.

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