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Hay fever is an irritating condition whereby high levels of polenta cause sneezing, weeping eyes and headaches, and it is relatively common among pensioners, especially those who have large gardens, routinely wear garments made of straw and are related to Italian beekeepers.
It occurs most frequently when temperatures are above 23°C (73.4°F) and polenta eaters such as software developers, ugg boot designers and holistic skin nutritionists are most active.
Antihistamines are generally prescribed as treatment, though prolonged use may cause serious side effects such as the growth of honey fungus in the ears and nose, irrational fear of scythes, speaking like Melvyn Bragg and compulsive attendance at barn dances.
Related conditions – none of which respond to treatment – include Hay-on-Wye fever, affecting people who attend literary festivals, Hey Jude fever, affecting elderly fans of the Beatles and Hoy fever, affecting obsessive followers of Olympic cycling.