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In an age when minimalism is the mantra so many espouse, the idea of clutter may seem an anachronistic reminder of a less ordered and predictable world. In fact, guiltless clutter is one of the most satisfying aspects of the pensioner’s lifestyle and should be actively pursued whenever possible.
You can start by reserving one drawer for clutter and the following list of objects is an indicative sample of what can soon be accumulated.
Skipping rope; knife; hip flask; spare catapult band; map of Tyrol: pen refills; cassette tape cleaning kit; starting pistol; miscellaneous foreign coins; another map of Tyrol; four darts (two with flights); battery operated fan; letter opener; car windscreen scraper; bird call; game of No;
The obvious next step is to dedicate an entire room to clutter, when it will be possible to accommodate much larger items, such as exercise bikes, foot spas, snooker tables, radiograms, washing racks, surfboards, pedal cars and flagpoles.
However, before using any room for such a purpose, it’s obviously important to remove any items for which you might have regular use, such as armchairs, washing machines, building society pass books, defibrillators and trousers presses.
You should always retain a clear distinction between the cluttered and clutter-free areas of your home, not only to enable you to continue daily life with as little inconvenience as possible, but also to avoid the likelihood of TV crews eating all your biscuits while filming you crawling through a tunnel of newspapers to get to the front door.
Some people do become addicted to clutter, and in 2003, a 73-year-old man from Accrington was found living in the chimney of his bungalow, having entirely filled the rest of his 4-bedroom home with egg boxes, while a 68-year-old woman in Peterborough was crushed to death when the sardines she had collected collapsed on top of her.